Negotiation Don'ts
I often ask my students to share anecdotes from prior negotiating experiences and have them reflect on what they might have done differently. I’ve heard some memorable stories. It’s not only cathartic to discuss and even share a laugh about what went wrong — it’s important to learn from negotiation missteps, triggers, and red flags so we know what not to do next time.
Here are 5 negotiation pitfalls to avoid:
Emotional negotiating
Loud, fist-pounding negotiations make for really good television but usually backfire in real-life. If the other party detects your anger, hurt, or discomfort, chances are they will focus on your highly-charged delivery rather than the validity of your message. In addition to your thoughtful preparation, make sure you are in the right headspace so you can present your case with confidence and control.
Assigning blame
“You don’t see how hard I work.”
“You recognized someone else over me.”
“You said this would happen differently.”
The other party may feel defensive once they detect an accusing or blaming tone, and may respond by shifting their attention to protecting their own position. Keep the focus on presenting your well-researched points and achieving a win-win outcome.
Assuming the other person is a mindreader
“Wasn’t it obvious that I wanted this new role?! ”
It’s ultimately up to you to be clear about your goals with professional stakeholders on a consistent and regular basis. Whether the other party deliberately ignores or misses your intent is another question altogether, and not usually something worth analyzing during the actual negotiation. However, it is important to re-emphasize your stance and achieve alignment on a path to your goal.
Advocating through an intermediary
Trusted professional allies can offer you helpful advice or compelling details to support your case, but it serves you best to present your ask directly to the decision maker. Not only is this a sign of strength and maturity, you also retain ownership over your message and delivery which can positively impact the outcome.
Issuing ultimatums
“If you don’t do this, I’m going to leave.”
No one likes to feel forced or threatened when making a decision. After presenting your case, the best thing you can do is open the door for feedback: “I would love to hear your thoughts on this”. The other party’s verbal (and even non-verbal) response will provide you with telling data points that will help you determine the best move forward given your available options. The ball is in your court.
When it comes to conducting successful negotiations, it’s just as important to focus on what you shouldn’t do as it is on what you should. These 5 pitfalls can not only jeopardize your chances for a desired outcome, they can also cause lasting harm to a professional relationship or situation which can breed resentment and distrust.
Plan your ask so the other party is treated like a valued and respected partner in the decision-making process, and as a result feels invested in a winning outcome and your career growth.