What are you afraid of?

Confronting your fears and excuses when it comes to advocating for more.

It’s easy to talk yourself out of negotiating.

Maybe you are someone who appreciates clearly-defined rules and guidelines — learning how to navigate an ambiguous web of negotiation-related decisions can be confusing and intimidating. Or you may feel reluctant asking for more because you recall a past negotiation gone badly. Or perhaps you find articulating your demands uncomfortable because you were taught not to rock the boat.

Let’s address some of the common fears and excuses we have when it comes to negotiating so we can learn how to improve our mindset and achieve winning results.

Fear: I will get punished for asking.

Reality: Asking doesn’t get you punished, but asking poorly can. Closely paying attention to how you structure your ask (for example using the collaborative outcomes approach) can greatly foster trust between both parties and increase your chances for a constructive conversation. Usually the worst outcome after presenting a prepared, well-reasoned case is a “no” or “sorry, that’s not possible right now.” On the other hand, if the negotiation is handled in a hostile or careless manner severe outcomes can occur, for example withdrawal of an offer or damage of a relationship.

Fear: I don’t want to appear ungrateful, especially since I currently don’t have other options.

Reality: While having options such as multiple offers certainly increases your leverage at the negotiation table, you can still present a valid and effective case by conducting your research and expressing your desire for a win-win outcome. Remember — being grateful and advocating for yourself are not mutually exclusive.

Fear: I was told that the offer is final.

Reality: In these situations, an important question to ask is: Who is telling you the offer is final? I highly recommend presenting your case directly to the decision maker — i.e. the person who has the power to make significant changes to your offer based on their position, authority, and knowledge.

Fear: No one negotiates their salary here.

Reality: While some industries, companies, and positions certainly have more rigid salary structures in place compared to others, you will find that exceptions are still made. Rely on your market value research to guide you as you build your case. Additionally, I would highly encourage you to take your research one step further by talking with people who were able to advance quickly in your desired field or company:

• How did they handle negotiations?

• Who did they connect with for sponsorship, support, and guidance?

• Which strategic projects or results contributed to their recognition and career growth the most?

Fear: I plan to work hard and prove myself, and I’m sure I will get rewarded eventually.

Reality: While producing high-quality work is a must, at the end of the day you get what you ask for. Others aren’t necessarily paying attention or keeping your professional aspirations top-of-mind. Whether now or down the road, it’s essential to take control of your career by presenting your case and periodically reviewing your status and performance with key stakeholders to ensure you are on track for future opportunities.

Fear: They are already paying me comfortably above market.

Reality: Even if you are satisfied with the terms of your offer, advocating for yourself is worth the effort. Your compensation and title will likely follow you for years to come and it’s important to maximize your current opportunity. By advocating for yourself, you are signaling to others that you think highly of your contributions and the value you will produce, which will undoubtedly set the right expectations for future projects, negotiations, and performance reviews.

Conclusion

Don’t let fears, excuses, and doubts sabotage your negotiation efforts — it’s essential to cultivate a winning mindset so you can show up at the negotiation table prepared, positive, and confident.